A Well Rounded Education
by Evil Asian Genius
Summary: Poor Nataku. It's not easy being a clone. A series of one-shot Nataku vignettes.
1. Oracle

Oracle

            The future may or may not be foreordained.  It really depended on who you asked.  Fortunately, these days, the future could at least be foretold.  There were a few people you could ask if you were really curious.

            The Seals had Hinoto, the Dreamgazer princess who was currently living in a basement in the Japanese House of Representatives building.

            The Angels had Kakyo, who some uncharitably referred to as 'Narcolepsy Dragon.'  Oh, and of course, Kanoe.  But she didn't count as much, since she was really cheating.

            Nataku, however, had the oracle.

            Holding up the object firmly, Nataku looked at it seriously, as if trying to decipher its hidden meanings, the dark liquid swirl that it could see through the one visible port.  Nataku held it up to the light, pondering what should be asked.  It was a kindness granted by Father, this device that could ascertain the truth in people's hearts and make prophetic decisions.  It was certainly easier to carry and store than Kakyo.

            Father was nice.  Nataku's lips pursed in the simulacrum of a smile.

            Nataku wondered where to begin, and looked up from its seat in the underground room that functioned as the main gathering hall of the Angels.  Predictably, Kanoe sat lounging in the throne, chatting amiably with Yuuto over some little this or that.  Nataku decided to try the magic on her first.  After all, Nataku liked her the least.  Especially when she was rubbing on Father.

            Pale eyes intensely focused on the object.  Nataku moved through the motions of the ritual, the spell that Father had taught it just a few hours prior.  Nataku's hands dipped, and momentarily its eyes closed, focusing on the magic.  Clearing its thoughts, Nataku asked the question – just a little one to start off with.  No rushing things, even though a multitude of questions were on the tip of its tongue.  Did Father love Nataku the best?  Why did Father like licking the other Kamui?  Did the other Kamui taste good?  Did he taste like candy?

            Nataku liked candy.  Shaking its head, Nataku brushed the thoughts aside, and held up the object, pointing it toward the distant figure of Kanoe, with the clear port facing itself.  On the throne, she giggled girlishly, and flipped her hair over her shoulder, tilting her bountiful bust toward an appreciative Yuuto in what Nataku had discovered to be a behavior termed as 'flirting.'

            Nataku held the device steady, its eyes closed in deep concentration.

            "Is Kanoe a slut?"  Nataku had learnt the meaning yesterday in a rather heated discussion during the weekly Angel meeting.  It seemed a suitable start.

            Nataku shook the device, wondering when the magic would begin.  It suddenly became quiet.  They must have heard the invocation.

            Nataku's eyes cracked open to see the device.  Ghostly letters swirled into view behind the dark liquid.

            -Signs point to yes-

            Nataku smiled.  It had obviously worked.

            "Is Kanoe a 'meddling cockwhore that needs to stay the hell out of other people's dreams,' like Sakurazuka-san said?"  Nataku gave the device an expectant shake.

            -Without a doubt-

            "Does Kanoe like it up the…"

Disclaimer: X/1999 belongs to CLAMP.  
Notes: Thanks to Geoduck for his help in prereading.  The last line is an homage to "Shift Error," by Rowsdower.  Just a fun little bit of spamfic.  I'll put up more if I can think of something funny.    
C&C can be sent to cori_ohki@hotmail.com. I can be found at #squidkitty on irc.starwars-irc.net.  Thanks for reading!


	2. Storytime

Storytime

            It was a lovely summer's day.  The hot sun beat down upon the open expanse of the park with merry disdain.  Birds chirped.  Children laughed and played.

            It was far too lovely.  Seishirou adjusted his sunglasses.

            There was definitely something to be said about surly adolescents with phenomenal cosmic powers, he pondered, as he watched Fuuma toss a frisbee at Yuuto.  Of course, most of those things had to do with words that were of the four-letter variety, or ended with the suffix –ass.

            Being an Angel had many side benefits.  The health insurance was great, the per diem was astronomical, and the vegetarian meals were surprisingly excellent, in addition to the priceless amusement of beating the living angst out of the Seals.  However, benefits aside, this also meant that one had to put up with certain things.

            Certain things such as the aforementioned surly adolescent with phenomenal cosmic powers.

            Fuuma, er...*Kamui*...with his ever-so charming mixture of sly humor, verbal parrying, and downright threats had somehow taken it upon himself to arrange (threaten) an outing (Ueno Park) for all the Angels (beatings) to get some sunshine and fresh air (genocide).

            And now, Seishirou was the fun and happy (murderous) companion to his fellow Angels, who for the most part were currently involved in a rather spirited game of frisbee.  

            Leaving disinterested parties such as him to sit under a tree and babysit Kakyo and Nataku.

            -For the curious reader who was wondering how Kanoe managed to run around and catch a frisbee, this author can only tell you that she was left at home (Fuuma: Angels only.  You get to answer the phone, like a good secretary).  Besides, do you think she'd own a sports bra?  I think not.-

            Seishirou sat with his back against the trunk of a tree, heedless of the damage his suit was taking, his long legs carelessly crossed before him.  To his right, Kakyo slumbered peacefully on the picnic blanket, looking thin and a bit sickly in the sun-dappled shade.  On his left, Nataku sat watching the game intently, dressed in a blue t-shirt and khaki shorts, looking for all the world like an ordinary teenager.  

            Seishirou drew out a pack of cigarettes and lit one, inhaling with a deep sigh.

            Certainly, it was a very nice day.  Not too much of them left, he thought, as he drew another drag.  Leave it to Fuuma to think of something that turned out to be surprisingly good and pleasant, even if he did leave Seishirou the dirty work of watching over the 'kids.'  At least it gave him some time to his thoughts.

            Such as what to do when he next saw poor, dear, sweet Subaru-kun.  Well, after the preliminaries, of course, he would start by taking off Subaru's...

            "Sakurazuka-san?"  Nataku's voice interrupted his reverie.

            "Yes?"  Seishirou was startled out of his thoughts, but concealed it well.

            "Tell me a story."

            "No."

            "Okay."

            A pause.

            "Tell me a story."

            "No."

            "Okay."

            Another pause.  Out of the corner of his one good eye, he could see Nataku's expression slide down into something that seemed almost like a sulk.

            "Tell me a story."

            "No."

            "Okay."

            The sulk was turning into something that hinted at violence.  Seishirou fought the urge to twitch.  Or stab.

            "Tell me a story."

            "Fine."

            "Okay."  Nataku looked...almost joyous.  It was a bit disconcerting.  

            Internally, Seishirou scowled.  Externally, he ground out his cigarette in the dry soil.  He wondered if he knew any stories that were appropriate for children.  Or genderless clones that were child-like but could kill you with a scarf.  A really, really long scarf.  He rummaged through his childhood memories, and came up with nothing. 

            Well, being raised from childhood as an assassin really *did* inhibit one's parental abilities, Seishirou realized.  He would just have to make something up.

            "Once...Once upon a time, there was a little boy."

            "What was his name?"

            "Er...Subaru."

            "Isn't that the name of one of the Seals?"

            "It's just a name."  Seishirou sighed.  This was going to be a long day.  "One day, the little boy's mother sent him to take some cakes to his grandmother."

            "What kind of cakes?"

            "Chocolate."

            "Did they have frosting?"  Nataku liked frosting.

            "Yes, yes they did.  Now, little Subaru took the box of cakes, and started walking to his grandmother's house.  It was far away, deep in the forest."

            "What kind of forest?"

            "Deciduous."  That seemed to satisfy Nataku's curiosity.  

            "Now, in the forest, there lived a..." Clone?  Kamui?  Frisbee?  Potato?  Assassin?  "An Assassin.  There lived an Assassin."  This was turning out to be the worst story ever.

            "Do they usually live in forests?"

            "No.  They usually live in nice apartments in Shinjuku.  Preferably one within walking distance of a subway station."

            "Okay."

            "Now, this Assassin had just finished kill...er...tending his tree when he met the little boy."

            "Did he use a watering can?  With some MiracleGro?"

            "Uh...something like that.  Subaru was scared, because he had lost his way in the forest.  So the Assassin gave him some directions, by drawing them on the back of his hands."

            "With a pen?"

            "No, a marker."

            "Okay."

            "Then, he told the little boy that they would meet again in the future.  Perhaps after his visit with his grandmother.  Subaru then ran off to his grandmother's house with the cakes, and the Assassin sat and waited.  The Assassin waited a very long time.  By the time Subaru came back, he was almost an adult."

            "Was the Assassin bored?"

            "No.  He had things to do."

            "What kind of things?"

            "Scrabble.  Parcheesi.  And veterinary school."

            "Okay."

            "Now that Subaru had grown up, he was far more charming and beautiful.  And, amazingly, after all these years, the instructions were still on the backs of his hands."

            "How did they stay on?"

            "It was permanent marker."

            "Okay."

            "Subaru and the Assassin became good friends.  They had lunch together, drank tea together, and even went to the zoo together."

            "I like the zoo.  There are penguins at the zoo."

            "Yes, there are penguins.  Now, one day, Subaru realized that the Assassin seemed very familiar.  But he couldn't place him."

            "Why?"

            "Because a long time ago, the Assassin had erased his memory."

            "Why?"

            "It was an accident."

            "Okay."

            "So he decided that he'd go to the Assassin's apartment to find out."

            "Was it in Shinjuku?"

            "Yes.  Very good.  Now, he went into the Assassin's apartment, and the Assassin invited him in.  They had some very nice tea that came from China, and excellent cookies."

            "I like cookies."

            "Yes.  Cookies are good with tea.  So finally, Subaru decided to ask the Assassin about the past.  But he found that he couldn't."

            "Why?"

            "Because Subaru wasn't sure, and he didn't want to look stupid."

            "Okay."

            "So instead, he made small talk:  

                        'My, what a big apartment you have,' Subaru said.

                        'The better to invite guests over,' the Assassin replied.

                        'My, what a big couch you have,' Subaru said.

                        'The better to have guests on,' the Assassin replied.

            Seishirou smiled a long sharp smile, and whispered the rest of the story into Nataku's ear.  Nataku looked a bit confused at first, but nodded in understanding as the rest of the story unfolded.

            Later, after the park excursion, in one of Tokyo's fanciest restaurants...

            "Satsuki-chan, try a bite of this dessert," Yuuto offered.  "It's quite delicious."  

            "Thanks."  Her response was curt.  Computer withdrawal, most likely.  

            "Let's thank Sakurazuka-san for taking us out to dinner," Kusanagi stated.  Beside him, Kakyo dozed lightly, one delicate hand holding onto a spoon that rested in a cup of tepid coffee.

            "Ah yes, thank you very much, Seishiriou-san," Fuuma purred.  "It's definitely a delight."

            Nataku looked to Seishirou expectantly.  Seishirou nodded, a tiny gesture of assent, and sat back with his glass of wine, hiding his smile behind the dark liquid.  After this, they probably wouldn't ever be allowed in this particular restaurant ever again, so he was going to enjoy it while it lasted.

            "Daddy?" Nataku turned to Fuuma.  "Can I ask you a question?"  His clear voice rose above the quiet hum of the restaurant.  Curious heads turned in their direction.

            "Sure, Kazuki.  Anything."

            "Daddy, why is a 'big dick all the better for you to suck'?"

Disclaimer: X/1999 belongs to CLAMP.

Notes: Thanks to Geoduck for his help in prereading and revising the punchline. This fic inspired by Fraser, because he always wants a story.  Snuzzle Cabblit.

C&C can be sent to cori_ohki@hotmail.com. I can be found at #squidkitty on irc.starwars-irc.net.  Thanks for reading!


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